Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Advantages of selling ceiling tile over being a writer

1. At 5:30, when the ceiling tile store closes up, you are done, and you never have to think about ceiling tile again until the store opens the following morning.

2. It is unlikely that you will have the urge to sell ceiling tile in a bar at 1:30 am, and desperately search around for some tile to sell, ignoring the attractive person you are with.

3. No ceiling tile salesmen make $5,000,000 a year while you make only $1200 a year selling ceiling tile.

4. The difference between real good ceiling tile and mediocre ceiling tile is clearly marked in the catalog, subject to no dispute, and, in general, you get more for the good stuff.

5. Neither repressive redneck assholes nor effete New York publishing capons will get on your case if you sell ceiling tile, and neither will attempt to prevent your installation of it.

6. People who own bookstores know when they need ceiling tile and will call you on the phone. You will not have to make a multi-city tour to inform them that they need your particular ceiling tiles.

7. Your customers will not confuse you with your ceiling tile; they will understand that you are a person and you just sell it, nor will they try to divine your biography from the little holes in the ceiling tile.

8. After you sell some ceiling tile, it stays sold. You will never call up a customer to cancel an order or break into his property to rip out and replace those tiles, nor will your customers ever call you and demand in insulting terms that you improve the ceiling tile you have installed.

9. Your parents will understand what you do for a living, and be proud of you, and not make snide or hurt comments at family gatherings. Also you can do favors in the tile line for your friends and relatives, even if they are illiterate, and they will appreciate it a lot more than a signed copy of your collection of short stories.

10. Most important: you will not ever have anything to do with the motion picture industry, even if you are the best ceiling tile salesman in the nation..

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